Heatless Mall-i-days

All you vegetarians, get out your Spoon(erisms), and start enjoying your Meatless Holidays!
For you are about to experience one of the rarest of rare spoons: The Law of Commutativity (remember Algebra 101?) showing up in the spoonerized American language.

This Spoon reads the same meaning in both directions:

Tofurkey....Fauxturkey.

There it is! Har!

Frisbee Golf

Frisbee Golf (Knotty Pine)

If you play frisbee golf and drink lots of beer,

While running round through the knotty pine.

You'll find you're delayed at the course's dogleg,

Where the front grind becomes the potty nine.

I Sleep Only on Pillows Made for REAL Men

The pussy willow (lat.,salix discolor)

Most rugged outdoorsmen agree: "When you're miles from any sort of modern convenience and you need to rest your head a spell, you'd best not go using those soft, furry catkins of the salix variety. If you do, you end up with nothing more than a wussy pillow".

When I travel to India I enjoy sitting around on soft pillows, eating lots of hot, spicy food and visiting with my curry fatkins.

Suagar Bowl

Greatly disappointed by the outcome of the game,

"My team", whined Nesbit, "was destined for Sugar Bowl fame".

So while 'inert and uncouth' became his theme the next week,

He created a booger shoal by the aquarium at his feet.

He left the edifice, a reef, by the tank for a year,

And the fish thought, "Awesome, a barrier, less fear!"

But the shoal, as it were, non-diatomaceous in formation,

Eroded with poor Nesbit and some of the college bowl nation.

Sakes Alive! Better Get to the Mailing Center.

Octogenerian,Millie, wasn't feeling quite so trim,
So she decided, "By golly, I'll go workout at the gym".
She awoke the next morning confused, then exclaimed,
"Sakes alive, oh where have I been!?"
"I aches and saliv 'a 's drooling down my chin".

So she creaked down the street to the mailing center,
To confirm her own name through letters that were sent her.
It seemed to her that the identity crisis had spread,
For the owner had quit for the ocean and said,
"Given all the tacking and yawing I've logged in, I'll be a sailing mentor instead".

Copernicus: "I like my eggs with a sunny, runny center".

A creative landlord cooked up an idea to fill vacancies in her declining apartment population.
"Live here, eat free!", began the wording on a sign she posted just outside the complex. "Complimentary continental breakfast every Sunday. Eggs anyway you like 'em".

Next morning, a man walks into her office. "Hello there", said he, "name's Copernicus. I'll sign for a flat if you'll let me".

While finalizing the rental agreement papers Copernicus gestured toward the landlord's posted offer of 'free breakfast on Sundays', and said, "By the way, I like my eggs with the yolk undeniably in the middle; you know, with a runny center".

In the days to come the landlord replaced the 'Free breakfast' offer with a 'No Vacancies' sign, received monthly payments from a contented group of tenants, and read essays of the Ptolemaic system: Suggested readings from a certain centripetal and sunny renter.

The Conflict of Science and Religion

Theology, a girder in the Foundation of Creationism


Charles, a student of science and proud crewmember sailing throughout the longitudinal essays aboard Darwin's Beagle, felt he had finally gained some latitude in support of his Uniformitarian leanings while stranded in thought exploring some isolated Galapagos. "Theology", said Charles, "a girder in the foundation of Creationism, has essentially refused to gaze through Galileo's telescope, revealing the phases of Venus. Geology effectively repudiates any claim by Creationists to the origin of the species: One must look no further than the third-er fourth layer of sediment on the Earth's crust for supportive evidence on a tectonics scale. The mantle of truth lies deep beneath the grounds of de-feet."